Friendships and Growing Up.

 This is a topic I never would have except myself to honestly write about, not because I don't have friends or because I have too many friends, but whenever I thought of my future, I never expected friendships to change. I always imagined I would be in my late 20's and we would  still laugh about the same things that we did now. But last year, oh lord last year was a rollercoaster. I did so many new things and it was a super fun year, but I learned a lot of lessons. Too many for me to handle in one year. 

I made many new friends but sadly lost many as well, and the worst was the friends that remain don't excite me as they used to before. That is what hurts the most, we hang out, we do laugh but behind those laughs we don't share the same energy as we did before. But maybe that is part of life, change is the only constant. Everything changes so do friendships and that is okay. Maybe the true test of friendships is not putting stories for their birthdays or the ones that you have the most memories with. But maybe strong friendships are those that remain even when life changes, even when you change as a person. 

 But honestly I don't enjoy growing up.  I am scared of being an adult with actual responsibilities. What if I cannot manage? What if I don't build the dream life I always imagined? What if I go bankrupt? What if I die alone? It is a rotation of these questions in my head, every day, all day. But being an adult is mad scary man. I have no idea how people continue to be an adult all this long. Now I can just hide away from my responsibilities and it is okay, but in few years I will be the one doing everything for myself and that sounds terrifying.

In midst of growing up, making friends and maintaining them is so difficult. Friendships when we were in school were simple and straightforward. She is my friend because she brings my favourite snacks in her box, but now it is so much more than that. There are people who I consider my friends but do they consider me as friends? Or am just holding on to something just because I am scared of being lonely.

 It is so scary and confusing at the same time. But I know in the end everything will be figured out. Because sometimes everything is figured out by time and nothing else. So if you find yourself stuck in a similar state as me, instead of overthinking what is happening or what will be happen. Stop, be grateful for where you are, be grateful for who are their and put on a brave face, and go on with your life. 

You got this!

Thank You💖

-MJM.