The Academic Pandemic

 

Lately I have been writing about academics and my personal views about it. I have been enjoying but I don't like talking about the same thing repeatedly and  I vow to change it up next time I post. 

This is a story from the past but was written in the present.

It is chaos all around but nothing more is chaotic than my thoughts. I worked for this all my life, or rather I was tormented for this one scene, all my life. Yet I am so close but yet very far from this “Life Changing Moment”, my 10^th board results, the anxiety, the madness, the chaos. I understand the situation is worst for everyone and I am better off. But yet I am still tensed about it, yet I cannot stop to complain. To top it off, my parents don’t seem to stop asking me to not to stress about it. But how do I not? The comparisons, the hatred, the discouragement about my grades that I received all my life could change in this moment. But there is nothing I can do but wait.

 Finally the date came along. Finally, all my problems would disappear. Finally, I would be considered “Smart”, finally I would be valued. The nervousness that I woke up that morning is something that I cannot put out in words.  The results were to be announced on July 10^th, 2020, at 3 P.M. {IST}. I remember the planning that went into receiving my results. I told myself I would wake up at 12, spent an hour or so getting ready, then eat lunch for another hour so that I would be distracted and would not think about the result. But none of this ended happening, I woke up super early because I could not sleep all night. The whole morning, I spent, just sitting and thinking about my result.

Finally, 2 PM rolled around, I locked myself in my room and told no one to disturb me. I had all my devices with me along with my hall ticket. That one hour in that room was intolerable but I still managed to get through it. 3 pm came and opened the website and entered my register number and then cache, but for some reason my device refused to move on to the next page. I ran out, showed it to my sister but she could also could not figure it out, in this midst I heard my dad calling us out upstairs. As I ran in to the upstairs hall, I could see my result page roll in, I saw my marks.

My first reaction would have been excitement but rather it was disappointment, because that was natural to me seeing my marks. But my family, they were over the moon.  My sister could see my disappointment and tried to bring me out of it, but it lasted all day.

 To be honest if I retrospect that day I don't think it has that impact that people expect that day to have on your life.I barely think of it,  I barely remember details I have other days that I remember that been more impactful on my life.  I really the society needs to stop focusing on academics and not put so much effort on or so much importance for the 10th and 12th board case so much pressure on it that it makes the process of learning unbearable to others in the end. 

Thank You💚

-MJM.