Shadow.

 

All my life, I always felt like I was under a Shadow. This Shadow was not created by an object or by any light, but it always was present. I do not remember why and when this Shadow came to exist. But this Shadow existed all my life. It always seemed like this Shadow was a part of me. But do I like this Shadow? No.Do I want this Shadow?No.But then why does the shadow exist in my life? I wish these answers  were easier to find but they aren't. I often time have tried to find answer to these question but it is so hard to find an answer. 

 But honestly, sometimes I feel like this Shadow was something that was forcefully stitched on to my soul. My joyful happy and bright soul. A soul that would shine bright without the presence of these dark and petty Shadow. But why was it stitched on? Who stitched it on? Was it me?Was it someone else ? I, again do not have answers. I feel helpless, while answering these questions. 

Talking little about the Shadow, the Shadow is a dark looming presence. I feel overburdened when I realise it's presence. It feels horrible to have this Shadow. I wish to talk about this Shadow to people, but I fear judgement, I fear hatred, I fear questions. I may be sitting in a field of daisies, but with this shadow, I feel as if  am sitting in a dark dungeon, void of light and air.

I want to let go of this Shadow but it feels as if these Shadow is engraved too deep into my soul. It feels as if I would not be me, without this Shadow. I may miss this Shadow, But will I really? Will I miss the aganogy it gave? Not really but why do I struggle to let it go?

Sometimes I wonder if my soul did not exist any more, would the Shadow not be there anymore? But I think the Shadow will haunt me even if my soul does not exist.  The simplest means was to run away and pretend I was another soul. But running away is too weak of an option. I can run away, put on a fake soul for the world but a part of me will always remember the memories of the old soul and the Shadow.

At the end , all I can do is breathe and accept the Shadow as my own. I believe once I will accept it , it will get bored and let go of me. All the Shadow needed, was acceptance for it to let go of my soul. 

Thank You💙

                                                                                                                                           - MJM.